Wrestling figures are awesome but some are awesomely bad, Martin Dixon trawls discount stores and the dumpsters behind eBay to laugh at some truly terrible toys.
Alright, it’s been long enough I think. Time once again to not do my homework and peer at a lamentable lump of plastic putrescence and document my findings. I do this for science, not clicks. As luck would have it, Samoa Joe has just made a rather memorable debut on Monday Night Raw, proving that Seth Rollins was once an adventurer until he took an … Continue reading Woeful Wrestling Figures: Yo Joe!
Alright, let’s get 2017 started in the right way, with crappy toys instead of expensive fireworks, gallons of alcohol, nameless party guests and the ever-present threat of a social disease. Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt. The Christmas season may be over for another 11 and a bit months but I come from the East (which is true if you’re American and reading this, … Continue reading Woeful Wrestling Figures: A Little Pump ‘N’ Grind.
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Happy holidays Internet, ’tis the season to make list posts (fa la la la la, etc) and being the hack fraud that I am I’ve decided to get a piece of clickbait pie and try to put a full stop at the end of my fraught journey through this mad, bad and very weird year we called 2016. So what better way to chronicle my metamorphosis into a collector of odd and noteworthy wrestling figures than with a good old fashioned top 10 list of some of my favourite toys I’ve managed to get my mitts on in the last 12 months since starting this wacky odyssey through toyboxes past with brand new photos and some first-time micro reviews. So please enjoy this loving send-off to the year as I count down the Woeful Wrestling Figures Top Ten Toys of Two Thousand & Thixteen! Continue reading “Woeful Wrestling Figures: 2016 A Toy Odyssey.”
In amongst my self esteem taking the kind of battering by life that most punching bags would deem excessive I have to admit that finding the wherewithal to try and make jokes at wrestling toys harder than usual, but in an effort to take my frustration and make something good out of it and thanks to a generous donation by Lee Cunningham it’s time once … Continue reading Woeful Wrestling Figures: Oh So Mysterio.
After months and months of sampling the worst and the weirdest that plastic wrestling toys have to offer, I decided it’s about bloody time to devote an entire installment to the big man himself. The big McMahon in fact. If Gerald Brisco should ever narrate this column (hey, it could happen) he’d say the big MAC-MAN. Yes indeedy-do this time out I’ve gotten hold of … Continue reading Woeful Wrestling Figures: When the McMahon comes around.
I have to admire the toy designers at Mattel, they certainly know how to take a concept and run with it. Whilst some wrestlers have great characters their actual looks can be pedestrian. After all, a plastic figure can only convey so much personality and when you’re working on a new mix and match toy line based on WWE wrestlers who frequently fall into a … Continue reading Woeful Wrestling Figures: Warrior! What is it good for?
I had it all figured out. A schedule of reviews planned, photos taken, subjects procured, I was on top of my game. Was on top of my game that is, until this wonderful lump of bootleg gorgeousness arrived at my door and shredded all my plans. Oh fake Adam Bomb, you’re bloody lucky I like you. Many moons ago during something called Wrestling in the … Continue reading Woeful Wrestling Figures: Up and Atom!
Oh lord, where to start with this one? Normally what can cause me problems in a review is not having quite enough to say about a subject that I have to struggle to give them a write up. Sometimes it’s that there’s just so much awfulness to document it’s hard to know where to begin and not to avoid leaving out any of the horrific … Continue reading Woeful Wrestling Figures: You were supposed to be my friend!
There’s been far too much competency on this blog recently. So much so that I’ve had to seriously consider renaming this column to reflect the shocking optimism and positivity that has crept in. So thank the toy deities that once again the awful quality of the subject can match the awful quality of the writing. I speak of the murky and hilarious world of the … Continue reading WOEFUL WRESTLING FIGURES: NEW JACK SWING
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Now this is a nice novelty. Normally I review something from toyboxes of the past but this time I’ve got a pair of toys so hot and fresh out of the oven I have to wear gloves to hold them. I speak of course of the new kids on campus, WWE Zombie figures. Zombies infesting media are inevitable these days. TV, movies and videogames … Continue reading Woeful Wrestling Figures : Undead and loving it.
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